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[Aug. 29th, 2008|11:01 pm] |
A little longer...
A little slower (webcam)...
Pretty much the same info but in ASL form.
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[Aug. 29th, 2008|11:50 am] |
I present to you; The Van Waldenburgs!!
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| Things that make me happy right now.... |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|11:49 am] |
Wednesday I was enjoying a dove chocolate (actually a few) when I realized that the wrappers had individual messages on the inside. I only had one chocolate left so was extra careful to open so I could read the message:
This little message of wonderful goodness is now taped to my steering wheel to remind me to just what it says!
Here is one of my new water bottles that Ashley got for me yesterday...so damn cute!!
I love my car...Here's one of the reasons:
That little punk rock / cowboy scenery is on my dashboard. :D
And finally what I love to drink. Venti iced coffee / with room / unsweetened thank you very much!
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| Sisterly Sympathies [tag: Eris] |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|03:50 pm] |
Enyo stared at the empty rack before her in the wine cellar of her Bucharest home, bewildered.
As if having to travel from Thessaloniki to Bucharest by car hadn't been bad enough, now she was out of wine. At least Ares had seen fit to let her travel stylishly between the two cities in a very fashionable convertible, but that didn't strike out the fact that it was done because she couldn't just go where she wanted when she wanted. It was one thing to ride in a car because one wanted to, it was another thing altogether to have to do it because one lacked other options.
( But the wine. It was gone. ) |
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[Aug. 27th, 2008|06:50 am] |
Some days LJ will let me use these bad boys!!!
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| Another day survived |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|06:32 am] |
This post is more about letting myself know I survived another day of the "Holy crap batman, wtf is going on here" saga known as my life in it's current state. I got out of the house for a bit late in the afternoon with Ashley. She took me to Ruby Tuesday for a much needed fill of iron (STEAK) and then a banana cream blizzard from Dairy Queen.
I came out of the very very dark cloud known as yesterday with little to no harm to my environment nor myself and for that I am grateful. I don't feel as "angry" this morning (thought at the time of this post it is only 6:15am) but I am full of restlessness. My legs are killing me and what I really want to do is kick them out like a baby in a bouncer to get all the anxiety out (if this makes any sense let me know cause I'm not sure what I'm saying here)
I have an appointment request into my PCP (primary care physician - group health lingo) and to the mental health department as well. I will not go back on the Paxil. Hopefully they can come up with something more homeopathically friendly. As 40 approaches around the corner I've come to understand that I do not want to be a pill popper any longer. I'm pretty angry about the withdrawel effects the Paxil has given me. Don't get me wrong, Paxil works for me. Why I don't want to take it is still being worked out in my mind. I think I'm tired of relying on a pretty white pill and then having my doctor place in the corner as if I don't exist any longer. I'm ready to talk to someone about my anxieties and my depression. I'm ready to talk to someone about death, rape, love and losses. I'm ready to talk about a childhood that has turned me into this adult that can't talk about emotions. I'm ready to talk about a first failed marriage that is affecting a second marriage more than it should. I'm ready to talk about why I cry and obsess over what I can't control and yet don't seem to give a damn about what I can control.
I just hope they're ready.
Today is full of teeth clenching and already my jaw hurts. I'm leaving early from my vrs job to go into the "big" city (Seattle) and do an all day job there. This should help me get through the rest of the day.
*crosses fingers* |
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| I'm gonna kill something |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|02:57 pm] |
Oh my fucking god, I am so irritated / angry / pissed off right now that I feel like kicking my dog for no reason except to let off some steam. This Paxil shit has really got me messed up something awful and I'm really about ready to go and check myself in to some sort of hospital until I get passed withdrawel crap.
I'm feeling pretty defeated. I want to take my Paxil. I want all the anger and confusion to go away. I want my vertigo to go away. I want to do something else except sit in the house and think about how angry I am for no reason.
Why do doctors give you this stuff? It works when I'm on it but I don't want to be on it any more. Weening myself isn't going to work. I forgot to take my meds 80% of the time. If I could just punch my fist through some random concrete wall and cry because it hurt so much I might feel better. I can't cry and that's making all this build up even worse. I wanted to tell Ashley not to come home today cause I'm just a shitbowl of negativity and how goodness how fun is that going to be?
I literally am hearing voices in my head this time. This can't be right? I can't understand what is going on with me physically / emotionally. I want to take my car and drive it toward a brick wall at about 100mph and call it good.
Something is seriously wrong. Maybe I should call some sort of mental helpline. |
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| The Enemy of My Enemy (tag: Amaterasu) |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|05:22 pm] |
Apate was not usually one for drinking in public. She actually wasn’t one for drinking until drunk period. It dulled the senses, made you slow, made you a target. She had, on more than one occasion, taken great advantage of someone else’s lowered inhibitions, and she fully expected that treatment in return should she be foolish enough to become inebriated.
But even if she hadn’t been rattled by her recent exchange with Loki, even if she hadn’t been haunted by the look on his face before he left, she would have had a hard time resisting the wiry, little man with a squirt bottle full of rice wine who kept running around the restaurant screaming, “More saki, more happy!” He was the personification of persistence, and he’d already gotten Apate to drink far more than she’d wanted to. ( Twice. ) |
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| the things you pick up on |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|12:53 am] |
I'm a little bummed because someone on my LJ friends list defriended me without warning. I actually thought we were getting to know each other better and were bantering more in comments. I liked reading her LJ. She was rather interesting. Oh well. I guess that's that. She's one of those people who says up front when you first add them that if they ever defriend to not ask back on or ask questions as to why. Last thing I want is to be an LJ drama queen over a defriending. Although there are a few people that I might get a little dramatic about if they ever removed me. I can usually figure out why when someone takes me off their list (i.e. it's probably a mutual reason), but this one surprised me a bit.
What is it with me and canceled TV shows? The Sci Fi channel has been re-running Tru Calling and I've been recording it on DVR to watch at night after Katie goes to bed. When it was originally on the air, I thought I'd probably like it but I never made time to watch it. I think I had too many other shows I liked at that point. Now I'm watching it and really digging it. I think I underrated Eliza Dushku when she was on Buffy/Angel. Faith was an awesome character and she did a good job, but I don't think I ever thought she could play a different type of character. Now I can't wait for Dollhouse. I think it's supposed to be a mid-season show this upcoming season. But having Eliza as the lead in a new Whedon show is bound to be kick ass. Ooh! I just looked at IMDB. Amy Acker's going to be in Dollhouse, too! Sweet!
Our bath tub faucet is leaking. It's really loud, too. It just got loud over the past week, which caused me to notice it, but Katie said it's been like this for a month. It just got worse recently. I hope this doesn't have anything to do with the repair work our neighbor on the other side of the duplex is doing. I'm just worried our water bill is going to go sky high. It's a constant stream that's about as thick as a typical restaurant straw. I'll be calling the landlord tomorrow. Hopefully he can get it fixed quickly. Ever since his prior "repair man" flaked on him, the landlord has been having Mike (the neighbor on the other side of the duplex) do repairs. The old repair man sucked anyway, but hopefully Mike will be able to get to this amidst all the other contracting work he has going on.
I also need to call someone about fixing the lawn mower. It spews white smoke when I turn it on. The front and back lawns each need another mowing before it's no longer our month to mow. I don't want to look like a slacker and leave it long for Mike. It's bad enough we had that prior miscommunication that left the lawns unmowed for the whole month of July.
Le sigh. I should go to bed. I don't feel tired, but it's almost 1 a.m. I need to start going to bed earlier. That's surely partially contributing to my sleepiness in during the day.
Send good vibes. I sent my resume out to about 5 or 6 employment contacts on Friday. Three of them were cold contacts to law firms in downtown St. Louis I might like to work for. The others were to other job postings I found online. I would be happy if I could get a freakin' interview. I've only had three interviews since I lost my job in March. That is really shitty. I need a job! |
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| No movies this morning...oh and Paxil withdrawels. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|06:35 am] |
I wanted to watch another movie this morning but had to get down to business and pay the bills. Today is payday. Payday for me means pay day for everyone else. Everyone else being my phone, truck, car, taxes and utilites. I put $150 away for fun money this weekend and will pay the rest of the bills when my last summer quarter check from school job comes on Monday.
Ashley and I have plans to go to the Ocean tomorrow for sand frolicking, kite flying, and fish and chips. I can't wait to get my hands on a cheap plastic kite and set it free in the air. I'm on the look out for either a spidey-man kite or strawberry shortcake. The fish and chips will be devine and you can never go wrong with sand frolicking.
The other part of the weekend may be spent on Vashon with her family so that we can partake in steak eating of large proportions. Or maybe we just stay in bed and skip Sunday all together.
I.O.N.
I've been leary of mentioning this: I have taken myself off of Paxil (again). Hopefully this will be the last time I attempt to get off of it. I refuse to go to the doctor's for this latest round of "get me the fuck off this med" cause I don't want it to be a long drawn out process. I'm used to the "zaps" and the restlessness. I know what to expect. I'm at about the 4 week mark of not taking the Paxil and am at a very vunerable point. I'm having the "zaps" like mad crazy. If you're not aware of the zaps, it's like bolts of electricity being shot into your body at random moments. For me they're coming about once every 2 minutes. This means I'm either tensing up until it passes (clenching jaw, hitting fists together) or I'm having some random fit of spastic movement (rubbing my head with the back of my hands or scrunching up my face and pushing the back of my hands into my cheeks). I'm also in the dizzy stage of withdrawel. With my vertigo this is a little scary but am managing it on an "okay" level. If I had to put it on a level like homeland security I'd say we're at an orange level. I just need to be more aware of what I'm doing. My emotional status is very weak and I am allowing myself to feel every emotion out there.
Ashley has been very helpful during this time of instability. Last night she rubbed my back while I fought back an emotional outburst due to it being dark and I was going to bed instead of going to work. She just let me be until I worked through it (and by working through it I mean clutching stuffed bear, fetal position at the bottom of the bed under blankets). She just rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. After about 15 minutes I felt tons better and was able to go to sleep with the both of us linked arm in arm.
Today I'm pretty irritated. I only have the vrs shift (over in an hour) and then a short freelance job that pays on the spot ($100 in my pocket). I'll go home in between and lay on the bed with the dogs. Funny, when I'm super emotional my Makenzie is triple emotional. She just wants to lay her tub o'goo(TM) body on top of mine and look at me in my eyes with her "lets both hate the world together" look.
Oh yhea and it's been over 24 hours since my last cigarette. In order to smoke them I have to buy them and I'm trying hard not to buy them. RESIST THE URGE!! |
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| Ladies, You Are Warned (tag: Bast) |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|12:41 pm] |
Whistling, Bes ran his palms across the top of his head, smoothing the hairs in place. He winked at his reflection in the bathroom cabinet, flinging his pointer fingers at the handsome dude in the mirror, thumbs up, gunslinger style.
"Hot, baby! Yes indeedy!"
His shirt was clean and wrinkle free, as wrinkle free as a t-shirt could stay. It portrayed a high ball glass and a bottle of booze, with the snarky tag line "Let me fill you up, Baby!" A small diamond earring twinkled in each ear. Bes liked jewelry, but not the overly ostentatious stuff "gangstas" liked to wear. He did have taste, unlike those over the top, cool, tough boy wannabees.
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[Aug. 21st, 2008|07:20 am] |
Movies during my night shift tonight included: Drillbit Taylor and Blades of Glory. In celebration I made two more icons...I am giddy with joy over the BoG one. It may just become my default.
I may update a little in a day or two but right now I'm all wonkdified from working 3 graveyard shifts this week and spend most of my free time sleeping. |
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| Birth - [ Open ] |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|08:12 pm] |
The sun that shone down upon the land illuminated every nook and cranny that morning. Dew glistened upon leaves and blades of grass, giving the earth the scent of rebirth. Epona stepped onto the grass with gentle steps, her simple brown skirt trailed behind her as she walked through the empty field. Caerwyn followed close behind the goddess, whinnying softly and shaking her mane to release the moisture from it. Epona looked over her shoulder, smiling at her faithful companion with nothing but love and kindness.
“We will find her,” Epona said. Her voice resonated confidence as she continued toward the grove of trees in the distance. The goddess and her mount had spent most of their night under the light of the moon, chasing it to the furthest horizon before the sun peered over the edge of the land. It was then that Epona had sensed something amiss with a pregnant mare in her herd, and she and Caerwyn rushed back to the orchard to tend to it. But the mare was gone, having left the others in order to foal on her own.
( The goddess worried if only because it was much too early for the foaling. ) |
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| A Bad Influence [tag: Kratos, Ninkasi] |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|09:22 pm] |
Every hammering glass against the counter top rang inside of his ears. Dimly lit surroundings cast no shining light on the reasons for why he was here. He was here for the same reasons all of the time, even if the place changed its name or its patrons. It never changed its menu, and for that reason he always came whenever the urge called him towards the brightly lit signs—signs displaying what they had to offer within the comfort of their walls. The monotony that was his life became utterly known to him in those moments when he gave into cravings no better than the ones suffered by belligerent mortal alcoholics.
( However, it passed away the time nicely. ) |
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| A Promise Kept (tag: Sigyn) |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|01:34 pm] |
Two weeks had passed since Bast had come to her home for help. It had eventually turned out to be a pleasant day for the mother and daughter. They spent much of the day just lounging about, once Bast had recovered from her injuries, and enjoyed a good deal of pleasant conversation, plenty of wine, and several bowls of Cocoa Puffs (of which Isis flat out refused to partake in).
She'd had a rude awakening, learning her daughter had first chosen another person for comfort before herself, but she tried to put herself in Bast's shoes and see it for what it was. At least she went to someone even her mother trusted. All in all, she could see why Kitten would have gone to Bes first, and understood that at least part of it was to avoid worrying her mother, something else the Queen could understand.
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[Aug. 20th, 2008|04:40 am] |
Tonight's creation brings two additiona HP icons. These from the Goblet of Fire (Year 4). I'm watching it as I write this post...
I'm especially please with the Hermione icon. I really like the font and the neon transparency option.
EDIT:
I made this one too today. I can't remember the movie I got it off of but geekboy dance = love!
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| Glory Days (Open to anyone in Asgard) |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|04:35 am] |
It had been a long time since Hermod had last been home; two or three months at least. Frigg was probably starting to miss him by now. He knew he had to make seeing his mother a top priority, but their were other there that he wanted to see as well. He would have to figure out who he wanted to see the most and go from there. He had until he crossed the Bifrost Bridge before he had to decide anyway. So all he really had to do to put off that decision was to cross the bridge slowly.
( Who was he trying to kid? ) |
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[Aug. 20th, 2008|01:37 am] |
( Go to Wikipedia. Look up your birth date w/out the year. Post 3 events, 2 births, and 1 holiday. )
Tasha had a dental procedure today. It was her first dental ever and it turns out her teeth weren't in the greatest of shape. For the procedure they put her under general anesthesia and they ended up having to remove six of her teeth. Poor girl. She was pretty groggy when I picked her up. In retrospect I wish I had scheduled the appointment for tomorrow instead of today because Katie and I had our first CHARIS rehearsal tonight and had to leave shortly after I got Tasha home. She's on soft food through tomorrow and has some antibiotics and painkillers to take. She seemed less stoned when we arrived back from CHARIS, though still tired. She's zonked out on her big pillow bed right now. It was a pretty rough day for her.
Regarding CHARIS (all women's chorus, predominantly lesbian but not completely) it was pretty neat. I'll be sticking it out, along with Katie. She and I were ready to sing "It's a Small World" though when my old friend Stephanie walked in the door. Those of you who've been around my LJ since before Katie and I got together might remember Stephanie as my first local lesbian friend who I met through our mutual admiration of Amber Benson. I also had a bit of a crush on her for a while. The feelings weren't reciprocated and when we lost contact and she kind of disappeared, I assumed she was uncomfortable with my prior crush on her, even though Katie and I were already together when she went MIA.
Katie and I exchanged wordless glances at first, as rehearsal had begun and we weren't sitting next to each other due to our different vocal ranges. Katie's an Alto 1 and Stephanie is an Alto 2, so Stephanie ended up sitting right near Katie. Finally we had a break and did the whole "hey stranger" thing. She said she has a habit of getting overwhelmed in friendships sometimes and just taking off; said she spent a couple months in Europe (must be nice!) and just doing her thing. We didn't get A LOT of time to catch up, but we confirmed cell numbers and it looks like she'll be sticking with CHARIS, too.
Small world, eh? |
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[Aug. 19th, 2008|04:23 am] |
It seems that if I make a new icon everyday, then I'll want to make a little post about it. "Reefer Madness" is my latest icon adventure. The funny thing about this icon is that I ganked the movie from a podcast (Cult of UHF) using my camera. The origal length was 952 frames. I manage to get it down to 62 prime frames and the end result is that little beauty.
I haven't made any icons in quite a while so it's been fun to get my creative mind going. I'm not much of an artist except when it comes to graphic type stuff. I used to just make still pictures cause cropping / resizing isn't that tough. I've downloaded a 15 day free trial of Ulead GIF from CNET.com. I had it on Ashley's laptop and just put it on mine so I got an extra 15 day trial. I really like it. I will probably purchase it when the days are up (13 left as of this posting).
I.O.N.
I got my first pedicure today. Ashley bought me a 1 hr pedicure for no reason except she loves me. It was paid for before our little spat this weekend so it wasn't bought out of guilt. That made it even more sweeter. I really enjoyed the pedicure but as always with coming out of a mild bout of depression I got super senstive about it. I had conflicted emotions because we were in a nice part of Seattle (Madison valley) and it was an upscale salon. The conflict came because it was full of upper-class white women having their feet scrubbed by Asian decent women. It was just made me feel guilty and yet excited because I get this really special gift from Ashley.
Working a quite a few graveyard shifts this week. Today (Tuesday Mid - 8a) Tomorrow (Wednesday Mid - 8a) and Thursday, the same hours. I don't mind it too much except my Netflix is a fucktarded at the moment and I don't have all my lovely movies to pass the time. I have almost 300 podcasts to get through so at least there is some entertainment.
/random ranting |
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[Aug. 19th, 2008|02:47 am] |
I took a little video of Makenzie while we were waiting for the nice vet lady to come into our room. They always have treats around...
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